Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
