i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
