I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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