he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
