I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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