OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
