They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Shame - the story of my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
