I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
