im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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