you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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