Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this will be a night to untag.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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