mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
