i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
