I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
