I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
