So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
