I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize