I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
