Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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