He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
