I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
