Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
