we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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