there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
