I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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