ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
