I have demons in me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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