is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
