there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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