There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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