I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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