my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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