You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
