aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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