did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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