I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
