I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
