yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
