He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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