so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
