shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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