Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
