Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He felt like a one man threesome
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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