This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
