I think I won the penis lottery.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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