her vagine was all disorganized.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
