i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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