The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
