Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
