got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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