Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
