Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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