You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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