Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
