thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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