She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
