i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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