I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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