That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
