this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
