Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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