Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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