i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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