don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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