What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
