they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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