This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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