well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
