Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
