Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we made out on top of his cat.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
