That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
