she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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