dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
